I found these old posts on my computer. Probably from the summer. Here they are. Another one of my "beginnings."

My life never really started until I walked my first few steps ion the Big Apple, the city that never sleeps. New York City seemed so magical to me. It was the first place where I felt alive and new. I was a little fish in a big pond and I was determined to become the biggest fish. Something inside me clicked and I knew what I was going to do for the rest of my life. I wanted to act, sing, and dance professionally while continuing my visual art on the side. I fell in love with art and the uniqueness of this world at once. Art is a language, a way of speaking and everybody has their own accent. The many people who were walking past me on the streets didn't even notice me. I wanted to be noticed and to be heard, so I vowed that I would. I saw Broadway, the fame, power, diversity, confidence, love, fun ... and I wanted it. Involvement in the arts and artistic fulfillment is the most important thing for me because it lets me express my emotions and feelings in a different way. At the current moment, my goal is to be on Broadway. Whether I'm the dance captain, the lead, or just in the ensemble, it would make a dream come true. I know I'm not the best, I'm still learning, but I keep trying to exceed my best.

I was never overweight or ugly but for some reason I thought that I was both. I would look in the mirror and I wouldn't like what I saw. I stopped eating to control my imagined obesity and spent hours trying to fix up my face and wear the right clothes just so that I could fit in. I wanted to be different but fit in at the same time. I closed off from the world, hiding my mind. It was narcissism of the masochistic mind. I loved the attention that came with the painfully innocent sorrow that I portrayed. Somehow I found security in not trusting anyone but myself. Depression and thoughts came next. In a world that is confusing as ever, I needed someone to hold on to. I was alone. I started having feelings of love. Feelings that I tried to abolish and ignore because they weren't right. They weren't what was accepted. I was alone, not eating, worried, confused, and now I was having feelings towards other men. When trying to flush out thoughts with depression and denial didn't work, I had to face the facts. I was, still am, and always will be gay. After quite some time I got the courage to tell the world my secret. It was the best decision of my life. It helped me deal with the challenges I faced at an early age. It helped me love others and love myself. I learned that to love others, you must first love yourself. I also learned that my sexuality was something that set me apart and made me different. It was what I wanted all my life. I was different, but I fit in. I now commit my life to my art and being unique.